did you get engaged???
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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