He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
