Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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