Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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