I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize