so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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