I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
