I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
