Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
