I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
