a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
