I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
