Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize