Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
