she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
