she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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