it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
