I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i need some magic done to my vagina
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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