I'd wear matching sweaters with you
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I haven't been this sober since birth.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
