So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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