burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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