i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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