I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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