You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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