Soap is not a condiment
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
