It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize