the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
