do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize