i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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