Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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