Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
