nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
