The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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