drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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