My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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