Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
