This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
