I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
