I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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