There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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