Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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