do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My balls are so social today.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
