He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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