I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i think i have two assholes
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
