I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
