Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
