somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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