I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the condom got lost in my hair
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Randomize
