My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
where am i from again
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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