I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
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