Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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