Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize