Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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