My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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