Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
