sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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