ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
