he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
