is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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