I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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